Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
