oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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