I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
