is wine microwaveable?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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