how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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