Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
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No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
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You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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