I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
