Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
