mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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