I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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