3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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