So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
