dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
