My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
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I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
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Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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