You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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