I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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