I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize