remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I think a kid would responsible me up
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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