Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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