He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
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I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
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I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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