my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
