a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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