How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
