Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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