Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize