Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
