forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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