Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
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When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
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Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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