Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
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If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize