Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
