i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I will pee on everything he values.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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