i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
