you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
