Midget sex pt 2 tonight
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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