We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
