so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
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