I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize