Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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