You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
