This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
