he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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