The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
