For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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