you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I am naked and annoyed.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize
