I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
