I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
