Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
