I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
