Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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