This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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