omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
