What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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