I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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