he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
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Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
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You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?