I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
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We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
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Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.