hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse