She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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