i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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