its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.